I want to walk on stilts...naked
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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