here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
