I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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