If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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