the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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