I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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