So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
