im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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