I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
