Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
