Umm I'm too high to move.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
