Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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