Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
