There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
