I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize