She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
