I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
