VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
