....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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