We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Less talking, more tequila
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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