Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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