I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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