I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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