I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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