i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
