She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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