Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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