just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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