Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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