I think I won the penis lottery.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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