If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
