Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
