Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize