you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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