Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So drunk its hurt
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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