On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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