Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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