Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
