i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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