i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
