I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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