Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
