My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
