I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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