the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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