Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize