Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
