quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
