Screwed.edu
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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