I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
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