It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
