I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
