maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
