i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
