hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
