There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
