I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
