I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
