Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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