If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
