If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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