If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
