I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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