Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
