there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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