Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
