So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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