Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
