she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
