he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
