dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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