I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
she told me i tasted like america
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
