my sisters under your porch take her home
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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