is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
