just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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