I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
