my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
