I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
