You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
