I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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