White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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