he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
