my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
