How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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