Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize